Attack of the Fuzzy Pink Sweater
by cultural infidel
Summary: This is kind of a parody of CoB. It's not mean, just kind of funny, and it does have a plot. The fuzzy pink sweater was completely random.
1. Fuzzy Pink Sweater

I wrote this with my wonderful friend Morgan and iluvblooburryz. We each wrote one sentence, then got bored, so now we're writing a paragraph at a time. Assuming anyone actually reads this, I'll update every Friday with a new chapter.

"Jace!" Clary desperately yelled, "help!"

Jace ran panicked into Clary's room at the Institute, stele already pulled out, where he found her tangled in a fluffy pink sweater she was trying to put on. "The zipper's stuck," she sighed, batting her eyelashes.

"And you want help?" Jace deciphered, mockery in his tone, as he ambled across the room to his sister. His eyes looked conflicted as he gently pulled down the pink monster and walked out of her room, leaving Clary gazing longingly after him. She heaved a sigh and followed him out the door.

"Jace?" She said the name like a question.

"What?" he snapped; seeing her was more than he could bear right now.

Clary ran up to him, matching his quick stride with one of her own. "Will you…" she began, staring at the ground and tugging at the hem of her shirt. "Can we…" She paused.

"Well, physically, yes, there is nothing stopping us. But, given the circumstances and the fact that our children would be deformed…" he stopped abruptly as Clary reached up to slap him. He danced out of the way, a taunting smile covering his handsome face.

"Can we go for a walk?" Clary asked, furious at her brother.

"Sure, if that's all you really want." Jace grinned sarcastically.

"You're jumping to conclusions!" Clary cried, exasperated. She then used the best weapon she possessed: "I wanted to talk a walk. _With my brother_." She turned and flounced off to her room, not looking back until she was inside the doorway of her room. Jace was still standing with his back to her, hid head bowed and his muscles tensed.

Clary retreated back into her room. Jace stood frozen for a minute before breaking his trance. As soon as he had, he wished he hadn't. Memories shot through his head like arrows aimed directly at his heart. He thought of Clary's emerald green eyes staring at him with a deep love. He reminisced of Clary's 15th birthday, sitting gin the greenhouse and wishing the night would never end. Then he jumped forward to the time at Renwick's when he had looked at her as if she was the only girl in the world and she looked at him as if he was nothing.

Because she knew. She knew the only thing that could hurt Jace was true; even his façade wasn't strong enough for him to pretend he was okay. Then he thought of Valentine's heartless words. "To love is to destroy." He imagined his father's face, clearly showing the I-told-you-so thoughts. He thought through these memories and turned on his heel, chasing after his sister.

He ran up behind her and grabbed her shoulders, squeezing them reassuringly. "Clary?" he asked tentatively. Well, as tentatively as he ever was, as he ever let himself be.

"What?" She turned around, her fiery appearance matching her fire-red hair. It was Jace's turn to stumble for words; she was so beautiful when she was angry.

"I, we, um…" he stuttered. "Can we…?"

"Well, physically, yes, there's nothing stopping us. But, given the circumstances and the fact that our children would be deformed…" she quoted her brother's snide words, an evil gleam brightening her eyes.

Jace scowled at his sister, but on the inside, he was ecstatic. Even the possibility of 'that' going through her pretty head was so far beyond anything he had thought possible. He stared at her, watching each little movement she made as she stood there in front of him. She shifted her weight from one leg to the other, brushed a stray hair behind her ear, but still the enraged look dominated her face. His head spun with thought that brothers shouldn't think about heir sisters.

As he tried to master his strength, his thoughts scattered by her beauty, she turned around and started back to her room. "Wait," Jace called out. She spun around and Jace saw a frustrated look on her face.

He smiled sheepishly. "Can we go for that walk now?"


	2. Fairies

Forgot a disclaimer! It's a parody, meaning I am totally in awe of it but can't do anything like it so I have to make fun of it (waaaah!), so I didn't actually write it. Oh well. Also, I'm sorry it's late--second chapter and I'm already late!--but my great aunt Eileen's in the hospital. Anyway...here's the chapter. This one's not as funny, but it'll get better.

"See that man over there?" Jace asked. He and Clary were walking down a scenic path in a park.

"Yeah," Clary said, still annoyed but interested.

"He's a vampire," Jace explained, smiling.

"Uh, no, he's not." Clary made a face at her brother.

"How would you know?" he demanded.

"Because he's my chemistry teacher," she smiled before turning over her shoulder and yelling across the street, "Hey, Mr. L!"

Jace mumbled something beside her, but she ignored him.

"Hello, Clary," Mr. L called back. "You've been studying your chemistry notes every day this summer, right?"

"Every day!" she replied, laughing. She turned back to Jace and lightly punched him on the arm. "See? He's not a vampire. Plus, vampires can't be in the sun," she added.

"Simon can," Jace pointed out cockily.

"Simon's special," Clary sighed happily.

They walked along in silence for a while, Jace upset with Clary's pride with Simon--she was supposed to hate the stupid bloodsucker! Clary was just thinking about why Simon would be able to be in the sun, and pretty much ignoring her brother's existence.

"What is it about Simon? I mean, why do you like him?" Jace burst out without thinking.

Clary looked taken aback. "um…I've known him forever, and…" A bit annoyed with Jace's question, especially because he never seemed to want to be with her, she though of more reasons. "He's cute, and he's not related to me," Clary smiled. "What more could I want?" she joked.

Jace just glowered at her and walked ahead. "I'm going to the bathroom. Can you survive without me for five minutes?"

Clary rolled her eyes. "I think I can manage."

Jace turned and walked away. Clary took off her fuzzy pink sweater, tying it around her waist. Jace was already in the little building when fairies converged around Clary. Their wings fluttered, their lithe bodies gracefully touching the ground. Surrounded, Clary smiled nervously. "Can I help you with something?"

"Yes, you an." A mal fairy, apparently the leader, stepped forward. "You can come with us, for starters." He hefted a sword menacingly.

Clary opened her mouth to call for help, and all the fairies converged around her. Before she could react, they'd each grabbed a part of her and were flying straight up, above the trees. She kicked out and squirmed, but couldn't get away. The lead fairy, at her head, looked down at her. "We can drop you anytime, if you want," he stated impassively. At his command, the fairies holding her legs let go. She was dangling just under the clouds--she wouldn't come close to surviving if she fell. Her sweater slipped off her waist and floated down. At her ear-shattering shrieks, the fairies grabbed her again.

They went along like this for what felt like hours. Clary couldn't see anything around her except the misty clouds. Then a blindfold was pulled over her eyes, though they didn't seem to lose altitude or slow down. She hoped they'd touch down soon.

Jace came out of the bathroom. "Clary?" he called. He walked over to the bench they'd been standing by, attracted by a glimpse of pink in a nearby tree.

Jace ran over and snatched up her mangled fuzzy pink sweater.


	3. Dun Dada Dun!

Well. It's still Friday, so I guess I have to post this...

"Clary," he sighed. "What have you gotten yourself into now?" He picked up his pace, jogging around the park in his search for his sister.

He'd seen every inch of the park by now. There was no way she could still be there. Jace sat on a bench and leaned back, staring into the bright blue sky that laughed at his misery. No, wait--someone was laughing! Cackling, actually.

Jace looked around for its source--it seemed to be coming from above him. Then he spotted something floating away, above the trees. It looked like…like fairies, holding something. Something human-shaped, and human-sized…

"Clary!" he shrieked, rewarded by what seemed to be a struggle in the sky. He was already out of the park before he realized he would need backup--fairies are vicious creatures. He changed course, running towards the Institute.

Isabelle got ready quickly once she heard the news. It helped that she had been headed to a party and was already dressed. Grabbing her whip, she strode to Alec's room and marched in.

"Come on, we need to go!" Isabelle reminded him impatiently. Then it hit her why he was so slow--he was stalling. He hoped that if they were really late, Clary might be dead and Jace would finally get over her. Unfortunately for him, he was pushed out the door with Jace and Isabelle, riding Jace's stolen motorcycle to the fairy castle.

Luckily, once they got out of the center of the city, they could see more sky, and even catch a few glimpses of the flying group. It was more leveling the playing field than an advantage, though, because they weren't even sure the fairies were headed to the castle. As it turned out, they weren't.

One of the flying specks broke away from the group, landing behind a copse of trees. Jace angled the overloaded bike off the road, bumping over hilly grass but still making better time than they would have following roads. The motorcycle probably didn't agree, though. Clary's fuzzy pink sweater flew out behind Jace like a flag.

The three Shadowhunters dismounted, Isabelle climbing off Alec's lap and Alec disentangling himself from around Jace. They brushed themselves off, no longer worried about being too late. They could hear the high, lilting voices of fairies nearby.

Jace led the way towards the bit of forest. Suddenly, he stopped, drawing his weapon--the first he'd found in his mad dash out of the Institute, a sword. The other two followed, now armed. With a wild war cry, Jace broke into a run and leaped into the clearing. He stopped suddenly enough that Isabelle smashed into his back and stared.


	4. Surprise!

Bonus chapter because we all love you all so much! Well, actually, we were struck by inspiration from the muses of...er...inspiration! Here we go. It gets pretty interesting here.

Jace's rock-solid attitude crumbled under the sight; Isabelle's slight figure falling into him was enough to knock him down. Recovering quickly from his moment of weakness, he climbed quickly back to his feet, mouth still gaping open. _How could she?_ he mentally cried.

Before his very eyes, his sister, the love of his life, was standing in the middle of a group of fairies, passionately kissing one. He was tall, with shaggy, dark brown hair and…Well, Jace couldn't see his face because it was smushed against Clary's. Anyway, he had his arms wrapped tightly around Clary's waist, his transparent wings fluttering slightly to keep them hovering a few inches off the ground. Clary's fuzzy pink sweater dropped unnoticed from Jace's hand.

"I'm so sorry," Alec said, the first to recover. His tone wasn't too sincere, though, and his hand was already entwining itself around Jace's unresponsive fingers.

"I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation," Isabelle said, recovered, moving to stand on Jace's other side.

Jace shook his head, blonde curls flying around his head, then settling perfectly. His fists clenched, reminding him of the dagger dangling from his hand. He tossed it from hand to hand without looking at it, not concerned with cutting himself.

"I don't care," he scoffed, a look of suicidal challenge plain on his angelic face. "I'm going to kill them both anyway."

"Jace," Isabelle warned, "don't do anything you'll regret later." She reached out a hand to stop him, but he brushed it off.

"Don't worry," Jace sneered. "I won't regret it."

At that moment, Clary turned around in the arms of her fairy friend. "Jace! Hi!" she smiled peppily, looking and sounding ditzier than even the most frequent Hollister customer. Her red curls flew out flawlessly behind her, causing the hatred in Jace's stomach to bubble even more. His gold eyes glimmered, the bright light giving them a satanic glow.

"Careful, Clar," the fairy warned, squeezing Clary back to him to prevent her falling. Alec stepped behind Jace, feigning vomiting at the nickname for Isabelle's benefit, causing her to break into a fit of hysterical laughter.

Clary leaned forward, her lips hovering only an inch or two from the fairy's ear; Jace's hatred grew to new heights. Slowly, the fairy lowered Clary to the ground. At their graceful landing, reminding Jace of when he flew with Clary, and their not-so-graceful landing, Clary broke away from the fairy, still holding his hand. She bounced a few steps closer to Jace, a warm smile bursting over her face.

"Jace, meet Jonathan. My boyfriend!"


	5. Ain't This Fun

Help me think of a title!!! I'm posting this today--er, tonight--because Morgan and I are going to state MathCounts tomorrow! Wh-hoo!

The irony of his name coursed through Jace, verbal bile bubbling up from the pit of his stomach. "Nice name," he chuckled, trying to hide his many emotions. His eyes that had shone golden with envy mere minutes before now turned to a bleak brown of defeat.

Then the image of Clary whispering in his ear filled his mind, and he was again consumed with rage. He sprang at Jonathan, tackling him to the ground. They struggled, each trying to wound the other.

The fairies immediately swarmed onto Jace, yanking him off Jonathan. Alec shouldered his way through the mob, dragging Jace out with him.

Jonathan brushed off his tunic, a small, self-satisfied smirk on his face.

Jace shrugged Alec's hand off his shoulder, turning his back on his friend.

"So, is it just the name?" he asked, a mask of arrogance and cockiness covering his pain.

Clary looked utterly shocked for a second, as if she'd broken out of her odd trance. Jonathan glanced sharply at her and muttered a word, and the cloud slid back over her eyes. Jace realized she hadn't chosen this--she was under a spell of some sort! His heart soared, until he realized he had no way to counteract it.

"Clary," he asked tentatively, "do you remember who I am?" He offered the scraps of her fuzzy pink sweater to her, hoping to spark a memory.

"Of course, silly," Clary laughed, walking over to Jace's side and punching him playfully on the arm. "You're my big brother!"

The words crushed Jace's spirit, a thousand-pound brick falling onto his heart. "Yes, Clary," Jace smiled weakly, "your sexy brother." An arrogant smirk covered all his other emotions.

Clary laughed, bouncing around him to chatter to a stunned Isabelle. Alec moved closer to Jace, unable to bear his desperate face devoid of all hope. Alec knew the one person who could help.

"I know who can fix this." Alec spoke softly, wondering if he really had it in him to aid Jace's foolish love.

Jace was oddly hopeful, though he told himself nothing could possibly help. He tapped Clary on the shoulder, and told her, "We'll be right back. Just talk to…Stand over…Go over there and stand by yourself." He smiled reassuringly as she merrily bounced over to the trees.

Alec continued, now sure of himself.

"Magnus Bane."


	6. Magnus Bane

Jace, Alec, and Isabelle retreated behind the trees. Jace had a determined look on his face, Alec looked a bit miserable at helping Clary, a bit elated at helping Jace, and a lot confused. Isabelle was skeptical.

"Jace, I'm really sorry, but those fairies aren't letting Clary go. And there's no way Magnus Bane will come all the way out here for her--she's practically a mundane!"

Naturally, Jace was too stubborn to care. He brought the others into a close huddle and told them the game plan.

"I have a Plan A, but if that doesn't work, here's Plan B. All three of us will crazily rush them, being wacky and wild and nine kinds of suicidal as usual, and I'll grab Clary while the two of you distract the others. We'll run like hell to the motorcycle, and take off. There's no way the fairies will catch up with us. And we'll have the element of surprise." Jace's golden eyes gleamed maniacally.

Alec looked uncertainly at Isabelle. "Er, maybe we should wait a bit and come up with another plan. Not that yours isn't good, but maybe we could plan a bit more?"

Jace glared at Alec, who muttered a little and moved closer to Jace. "Let's do it!"

Isabelle rolled her eyes, but knew they would go ahead without her, so she fastened the straps of her stiletto heels, tugged on her miniskirt, and got ready to go. The three sauntered back over to the clearing, talking quietly about nothing, hoping the fairies would think they were giving up.

Jace strutted a few feet closer to the fairies, then suddenly reached up to his shoulders and tugged off his shirt. He struck a pose, looking better than the average Greek god, while the fairies watched, dumbstruck.

Alec and Isabelle exchanged a glance. All of the fairies were male, and only one was actually staring. The others were snickering. Jace heard, turned towards the other Shadowhunters, and shrieked, "GO!"

He dashed towards Jonathan with the other Shadowhunters flanking him. The fairies watched, dumbfounded, until the trio were right on top of them, fighting for all they were worth.

Jace threw the strongest right hook he could, spinning almost in a circle before slamming his fist into Jonathan's face. The fairy's eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed, allowing Jace to seize Clary. He yelled, "C'mon," to his comrades, then carried her rapidly to the motorcycle.

Depositing Clary beside it while he got everything ready to go, Jace tugged on his abandoned shirt and declared the motorcycle good to go, then turned to help Clary on. The other two were fast approaching, and he knew he had no time to waste. He turned around and saw Clary staring dreamily at the bike.

"I don't think I've ever ridden one of these before. They're so dangerous! Gosh, Jace, this is just so cute and bad-boy of you! Can Jonathan come too, pretty please? I know he'd love it!" Clary begged, making a puppy-dog face at Jace. He sighed, frustrated, and dragged her onto the bike in front of him so she couldn't fall off. He tugged her fuzzy pink sweater over her head, worried of the cool winds higher up, then mounted the bike.

Isabelle leaped gracefully on, with Alec tripping on after her. Jace kicked off and the bike rose soundlessly. They all smiled giddily at one another and rode away happily into the sunset, and they all lived happily ever after.

Wait a sec. Right. So. Scratch that last part. They flew for almost an hour, until they recognized the streets near Magnus Bane's house. Alec guided them to his door, and Jace steered the motorbike onto the sidewalk. They dismounted and Jace sprinted to the door, dragging Clary with one hand and pounding on the door with the other.

A peppy Magnus Bane opened the door, with sparkles glittering from all over his body and spiked hair. He lifted his eyebrows at them, sending a million little bits of light drifting off his head. "To what do I owe this pleasure?" he asked sarcastically.


	7. Theatrics

Actually, I didn't forget for once. I had to stay afterschool for band (should die) because we had this ISSMA performance thing or whatever. I didn't get home till, like, 9ish. Then I had to eat a cupcake (of course; little sister's sleepover) and put on a movie for them and stuff.

Jace threw himself onto the ground. "Fairies kidnapped Clary and messed with her mind and the world is ending and it's all just so hard," he sobbed.

"I would have helped you anyway, Shadowhunter," Magnus told him after the dramatic presentation. Jace picked himself up and dusted off his tight jeans.

Ushering Clary in, Jace explained to Magnus Bane that Clary was under some sort of spell and was acting like an idiot. Clary giggled giddily at that, pronouncing herself "smarticle!!! Smiley face!"

Magnus pushed the Shadowhunters into the kitchen immediately and disappeared into the living room with Clary. After about half an hour of long silences, tapping nails, and anxious laps of the kitchen, the door opened and Magnus reappeared, Clary's wide-awake face behind him.

"You three need to leave. This has quite tired me. Alec, you may want to stay so I can go over her condition with you…" Magnus recommended, looking pitifully at Alec, who developed a twitch that caused his eyes to keep flicking from Magnus to Jace and back. Isabelle shoved him into the warlock and led Jace and Clary outside.

Clary smiled, basking in the sunshine. Jace loved seeing her all lit up by sunlight, almost purring like a cat taking a sun bath. Still, he knew he had to explain to her what had happened, even if he didn't really know.

"The fairies did something to you, after capturing you at the park. You were a complete ditz, and we had to rescue you and bring you to Magnus Bane to fix you," he explained. Clary just looked confused.

"That's funny," she mused, "I thought I was sleeping, and I had this dream that I was standing in the middle of a fluffy pink cloud in the sky, making pancakes with you! Then I woke up in Magnus's living room."

Jace preened, glad that kissing him was a dream (as opposed to a nightmare). He pulled her close to him, cupping her fuzzy-pink-sweater-covered arms in his hands, and held her tight, leaning close to her face and…

Clary shrieked. "Fairies!"


	8. Cow Poopie

I'm so awful, I'm sorry, really...I couldn't pass up Rocky Horror Picture Show. It's so awesome! Next we're watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail...You need to see both. Seriously. Would anyone mind looking at my profile? I totally redid it, and I need suggestions on what to put on next.

"Cow poopie!" Jace snapped, instinctively stepping in front of Clary.

Clary stepped around his tensed form, turning her back on the unhappy incoming fairies in favor of scowling at Jace. He looked her, utterly shocked, his eyebrows almost invisible in his hair. "You are so sexist! Just because I am completely incompetent, have no training, and am an idiot in all three books does not mean I need defending!"

Shoving him back, she continued. "Just once, I want to do the attacking. I want to take the initiative instead of doing my usual Clary thing and sitting helplessly on the sidelines, mooning over you!" She blushed furiously. "Oops…Anyway--"

The fairies had caught up to the unobservant duo, and Jonathan snatched the back of Clary's fuzzy pink sweater. As he tugged her straight off the ground and started to rise into the sky, Clary shrieked, "Jace! HELP ME!!!", her feminist pleas apparently forgotten.

Jace leaped with all his magically delicious--er, magical powers, flying upwards so fast the scenery was a blur. His flight paused at the height of the jump, and he looked around, confused. Where had they gone? How could they have gotten away so quickly? He glanced down, making sure he wouldn't land on Isabelle, and saw them.

The entire band of fairies was staring at him, dumbfounded. Flabbergasted, even. Jace smirked, then squealed as he suddenly plummeted to the ground. He landed on his back, the air knocked out of his sexy--out of his lungs. He lay panting frantically on the ground, gazing off at the fairies but not really noticing them. Not until a certain fuzzy pink article started coming closer…and closer…

Before he had a chance to move at all, Clary came hurtling down on top of him. She smashed into his chest, leaving him breathless once again. Jace's mind, confused from all the falling and smashing, worked sluggishly to determine that…me jump, me fall, Clary fall on me, Clary foot on me nose, and Clary hand…

Clary gasped and immediately rolled off Jace. Blushing furiously (again), she muttered, "Jonathan dropped me. Sorry."

Jace leered at her. Clary's eyes darted around, her mind searching for something to say. Jace opened his mouth…And Clary leaned forward and slapped him. "I don't even want to know."

He spoke anyway, ignoring her slap mostly because Clary is a weakling and can cause no damage, especially with a slap. "Don't feel badly; women will do anything to touch me," he sneered.

Clary blushed furiously (3? 4?). She got huffy and stood up, snottily distancing herself from him. "For your information," she replied in one of the worst comebacks of all time because…okay, you probably get it by now, "I had no intention of falling on you."

Jace simply grinned. Isabelle, finally hearing the fuss, ambled over. "Hey, there are fairies dive-bombing us as we speak. That Jonathan one's kinda cute, don't you think?"

The other two slowly looked up as a meticulous arrow made of fairies descended upon them. Suddenly, little flying dudes were everywhere, attacking everything. They grouped in a circle around Clary, fending off Jace and Isabelle's attempts to get inside. They scooped her up once again, and started to fly away.

Jace's romantic side kicked back into gear as he gazed mournfully at the departing back of the only woman he had every loved…Anyway. "I'll save you, Clary! I promise!" he choked out as he hunched over, weeping.

Clary stretched out her hand to him. "I need to know one thing, just one, Jace, please do this for me." At his nod, she continued in a fading voice, "do they really taste like blueberries???"


	9. Blueberries

We're going to Chicago until Saturday, so I'm posting today.

"Whaaa?" Jace stammered, confused.

But Clary was already above his head, being whisked away by the fairies. Jace pouted cutely, his thoughts turning to detailed punishments for Jonathan and his cronies (no mention of how to catch said cronies, but whatever). Suddenly, a large force rammed into him, and Jace was flying through the air too--and tumbling towards the ground.

"Didn't see you," Magnus Bane panted, looking down at Jace, sprawled on the ground, then leaped off the pavement like Jace had, except without the falling part. He reached the top of the arc, fingers brushing, scrabbling, then snatching onto Clary's shoe. He hovered in the air a little while, casually flicking blue flames at the fairies until only Jonathan was left, stubbornly clutching one of Clary's arms.

"Whatever," Magnus muttered, rolling his eyes. He whispered something in an ancient language, and drifted lazily back down to earth. He handed Clary's leg to Jace, who immediately dropped it in favor of punching Jonathan, and strolled across the sidewalk to Alec.

Alec took the initiative for once and hugged Magnus Bane. The two disappeared unnoticed by all into the house, the windows and doors locking and the shutters closing.

Isabelle tottered gracefully (don't ask) over to where Jonathan lay moaning in the grass. She crouched beside him, frowning at Jace. "You didn't have to hit him so hard," she reprimanded, already pulling Jonathan to his feet to fix up. "I'm going back to the Institute."

Clary narrowed her eyes at Jace. "You never answered my question, my dying wish," she accused.

Jace dug his hand into his pocket, finally emerging with a smallish, flat, metallic blue package. Clary's fuzzy pink sweater found its way to the ground.

"See for yourself," he told her, and they quickly found a row of hedges to hide behind.


	10. Double Digits!

I am so sorry. I just got my braces tightened, and the only thing I could do to stop myself from bashing in my teeth was knock myself out with painkillers.

A couple hours later, Clary and Jace hobbled out of the shrubbery (courtesy of the Knights Who Say Nee), looking totally blissed out, if a little sore. Clary knelt and grabbed her fuzzy pink sweater in one hand (the other was tangled in Jace's). Isabelle was still at the Institute, but Alec and Magnus Bane had unlocked the house and opened the shutters to ensure everyone of their innocence.

Birds sang and bees buzzed and a dark, chilling wind blew through the peaceful blue sky…Nevermind.

The two whose parentage changes every five pages went to Magnus Bane's for supper. On one side of the table sat two lovebirds, trying to inconspicuously hold hands; on the other side, there were two lovebirds, trying to inconspicuously hold hands. Or, in Magnus's words, canoodle. Suddenly, midway through the meal, they heard something hitting a wall and a girl screaming.

Jace, again being the chivalrous knight (and thinking to himself that all the girls in these books are supposedly hot, so she must be too), jumped up and dashed up the (squishy soft purple glittery) stairs. He ducked into about a million rooms before finding one locked.

He smoothed back his hair and quickly checked his breath. Then he hastily kicked in the door, opening his mouth to alert everyone to his presence. But the two in the room were already pretty aware of that, shrieking and trying to pull on their clothes.

"Isabelle?" Jace was dumbfounded.

Magnus Bane appeared behind Jace, calm because he knew exactly what was going on.

"I thought you were at…" Jace's voice trailed off, and he turned to glare at Magnus. "_What_ is going on?"

Magnus grinned sheepishly (wow, that is harder to type than I thought). He blushed bashfully (thinking of how much Alec loved his bashful blushing face), then defended himself. "They wanted a room! You and Clary could have asked me, too, instead of smushing all my plants," he pointed out.

Jace blushed. Clary, finally getting up the stairs, blushed too, burying her bright red face in her fuzzy pink sweater. Alec, merely glad he hadn't had to ask for a room, blushed for Jace's sake. Isabelle and Jonathan were already blushing. And Magnus leaned in the doorway (his bashful blush all gone), grinning like the Cheshire Cat.


	11. It's Not My Fault!

What's funny is, I actually had this one typed up and ready to go by Thursday. I got home Friday night (saw 17 Again), and NOT ONE of the three computers in my house was working. None of them would connect to the internet. I tried _everything_. It was awful! No Myspace, no fanfiction, no email...

Something careened into the side of the house. Everyone shrieked, grabbing their partners, as the floor rocked and shook at the impact. Isabelle tumbled off the bed, dragging Jonathan with her.

Jace held tightly on to Clary, fingers entangled in her very worn fuzzy pink sweater, while Magnus' arms circled Alec, who'd come up the stairs before the shock. Everything was fine for a second then--

Even Jace and Magnus couldn't protect their loves as the house began to tip. Jace, looking out the window, stared dumbfounded at the ground eagerly rushing towards them.

The entire house ripped up from its moorings and crashed onto the ground with a sickening crunch. Sickening crunches happen wherever bones, houses, elephants, et cetera are broken, in almost every book ever written. Like the metallic taste of blood, you know?

Anyway. Everyone was tangled together against the wall, Clary being the lucky one who was crushed by everyone. Jace jumped up after a minute, immediately tossing people behind him as he fought his way towards Clary. She was lying, dazed but obviously all right, on the--floor? wall? ceiling?--smiling happily at Jace.

He fell to what used to be a sparkly lavender wall, working up tears. "Oh, Clary, I love you, I never would have let anything happen to you, I can't believe you're--"

She sat up, rolling her eyes at Jace. "You can't believe I'm fine?" she asked sarcastically.

He did not blush, just hugged her while everyone else felt each other up--er, to check for injuries, and all. A loud droning filled the air.

Everyone gathered around the window--now on the ground. They peered down, and (predictably) it exploded in their faces.

A horde of fairies sprang through the window (which was a couple feet from the ground), hitting and kicking anything they could. The experienced Shadowhunters quickly figured out what was happened and started defending, while Magnus tossed around lightning bolts and Clary yelped and hid behind Jace.

A couple fairies rushed to Jonathan, wanting to know if he was hurt. They took him away, back to their base, while more fairies streamed through the hole in the floor-wall thing. The Shadowhunters were extremely outnumbered, and were being forced into a corner. As a ferret-faced fairy (heehee) stabbed at Alec, the latter yelled, "I love you, Jace, and I always will!"

The fighting stopped. The fairies mouths and arms fell, and all the Shadowhunters turned to look at Alec. Jace was the only one who didn't, grabbing Clary and yelling at everyone to "Go! Go! Go!" through the window to escape.

The others followed suit, jumping down and dashing towards a car Magnus had conjured. It was a sleek convertible, bright red, and Jace didn't hesitate to claim the front seat.

"Congrats, Alec," Jace laughed. "That was such a great distraction!"

Alec stared at Jace's laughing face in disbelief. Luckily, Magnus was there to console him.

"Oh, come off it, Alec," he cajoled him. "His sword sheath _so_ does not match those shoes."


	12. I Missed

After certain parties suffered an unfortunate incident regarding rain and very wet upholstery in cars, which resulted in said parties getting yelled at for being stupid enough to open the window just so I could feel the rain, because rain is awesome and all those rain-haters are idiots…Right. After all that, I still got the chapter done!!! Yay!

The top of the convertible was down (since it wasn't raining there nonstop like it is here), the wind blowing through the black, blonde--excuse me, golden, red, and blue hair (Magnus' hair is blue now. It _has_ to be!). Alec and Magnus were, um, talking in the backseat, while Isabelle scooted to the far side of the row. Jace was driving with one hand on the wheel, not paying any attention to anything but Clary, in her now shapeless and dingy fuzzy pink sweater. Because without _adventure_, life is just _so boring_! Right?

Jace steered the car along the abandoned country road, actually slowing down a bit to alert the others to something. "Hey, guys, keep a watch out for the fairy headquarters. It's big and castle-y, kind of hard to miss."

He turned around while talking. The others had their eyes glued on him. And then…they all turned back around, now looking at their surroundings. Except Magnus and Alec. Oh, and Clary and Jace.

"Um, Jace?" Isabelle (the only one paying attention) asked. "Do you see anything…strange?"

Jace glanced quickly around. "Nope." He looked back at Clary.

Clary was actually paying attention and (gasp!) doing something. "You _really_ don't see anything?!"

He heaved a sigh and looked around. "Is this like I-Spy or something?" he asked. "Okay, okay, I'm looking…" He squinted and studied everything around them.

"OH MY GOD!" he shrieked, yanking the car off the road. Everyone stared at him. He merely pointed.

On the road, in bright purple paint, were giant arrows. They turned a little ways ahead, leading up to a grand castle a few feet away.

Isabelle and Clary turned towards each other and sighed, rolling their eyes. Jace defended himself. "Well, if they really wanted us to see it, they could have made it a bit more obvious," he grumbled. "We could have missed it!"

Well, is this the most stupid chapter ever written or what?! Our state standardized test was this week (FINALLY OVER!!!), so I'm a bit fried. Why do I always feel the need to add commentary in my own stories?


	13. Cutesy Muffin Cakes!

La la la la la. I have Winter Wonderland playing through my head. My little sister got an A+ on her (third grade) spelling test. I am feeling very weird. Maybe those drugs weren't a good idea...(That is entirely a joke. Seriously. Mostly. No, really.)

The--oh my god, when did they grow to _five_?!--five of them exited the car. Jace, naturally, jumped over the doors instead of opening them. Clary sighed, lovestruck, and stepped towards him, tripping over the seat and falling on her face in the dust.

They started walking to the front door. They continued walking to the front door. They finally almost made it to the front door and--they reached the front door. I'm thinking Galahad in Monty Python.

"Oh my god," Isabelle complained, "that driveway was _so long_. My stilettos are _killing_ me!" (Insert sighs and rolling of eyes from others)

Alec gulped. (I felt the need to include him because I just reread the Fearless chapter in CoA.) He stretched one trembling arm towards the door, curling his hand and pulling back to knock on the door and…

Jace shoved him off the stairs. He extended an arm and pounded on the door, exuding an air of self-confidence and superiority.

No one answered the door. Jace knocked again. There was no response, so Jace started his famous yodeling. Come on, don't tell me you haven't heard about his magical powers of yodeling-ness! Anyway, they all started shouting and tap dancing and whaling on the door, to no avail. Until…

"Shut up down there!" a distinctly French voice called down. Slowly, the group tilted their heads up. The Frenchman from Monty Python and the Holy Grail (a must-see!!!) leaned over a turret.

"Open the door already," Jace whined, his un-culturally-aware mind not noticing the resemblance. Magnus, however, was gazing up in reverence. I would so love to have been in that movie. Seriously.

The Frenchman snorted. "Your mother was a hamster and--" he began.

Magnus jumped up and down. "And your father smelt of elderberries!" they chorused. "I love you so much! Can I, like, have your autograph?" Magnus pleaded.

The Frenchman disappeared for a moment from the turrets. In the next second, the door opened and a band of merry midgets--er, actually, pissed off fairies were surrounding the unobservant actor. He took Magnus aside, signing walls, heads, fingernails, anything he could reach. Why is he so underappreciated?

Alec started whimpering. Magnus was cooing to the other guy and Jace was in a face-off with Jonathan. Then a superhuge fairy sidled up against Alec.

"Hey, man, I get it," he muttered. "No one here is exactly my type, either. But…" He flexed his muscles, revealing a variety of watermelon-sized bulges on his arms and under his muscle shirt. He scratched his buzz cut (I'm totally channeling Stardust here) and grinned, a bit embarrassed, at Alec.

Alec tackled him and they fell back into one of the many rooms, whose door immediately closed itself. Meanwhile, Isabelle greeted Jonathan with a purr and a hello kiss. He detached himself and continued his staring game with Jace.

"Leave me alone," he growled. "My manhood depends on this thumb war." With that, the two started the war.

Isabelle sulked off in a corner, but quickly started playing with a fairy girl's hair. Clary stood in the middle of the room, gazing at the table in front of her filled with strange delicacies.

An older, grandmotherly fairy led Clary to the table. "These are our special cutesy muffin cakes, dear," she chortled. "Help yourself!"

Clary grabbed a cutesy muffin cake (why do I always spell muffin muffing?). Suddenly, Clary's fuzzy pink sweater turned purple and grew wings. She floated to the ceiling of the castle (unnoticed).

"Um, guys?"


	14. Purple Really?

So sorry--I was thinking of Lancelot in Monty Python, who keeps running but takes forever to reach the door, in the last chapter. For anyone who's bored: see Rocky Horror, read the Biscuit books, or sing Veggie Tales songs for no reason in the middle of lunch. You won't be disappointed!

Isabelle was the first to notice Clary. I mean, Alec was pretty caught up in other stuff, Magnus, well, didn't really care and was moving the furniture for a better feng shui, Jace could not possibly break the staring/thumb war, and…who am I missing? Oh, I'm not. Well, Simon, but he hasn't been in this whole thing. I wonder why. I guess I don't really like him…

Anyway. Isabelle shrieked, "CLARY!!!" and ran to the cuppycake--er, muffin cake counter. She was standing just a bit to the side of Clary's shadow.

Jace heard Isabelle's cry of distress and glared even more at Jonathan, who was keeping him from answering the call of duty. Their thumbs continued to press against each other, and they continued to ignore the tears of needing-to-blink-ness, until Isabelle's footsteps pushed him over the edge.

He quickly jammed his knee into Jonathan's, er, well, the top of Jonathan's leggings (I picture them like the fairies in The Magical Legend of the Leprechaun or whatever; off-white tunics and green leggings, sort of). The fairy went down with a moan, and rolled painfully around on the floor. Jace pranced over to Isabelle.

"Was that awesome, or what?" he boasted, preening.

Isabelle just looked at him. "You need to wear other colors. How do you feel about blue? Or…"

"Ahem," Clary coughed, annoyed. "Oh, so sorry to interrupt. Maybe I could help if you would _get me down _from here!"

Isabelle shrugged. "I don't know. Is it that important? Anyway, you? Fashion advice? Give me a minute, we'll be just fine, don't worry."

"I wasn't _worried_!" Clary yelped. "Why did you even come over here, if you're not going to help?"

Isabelle finally stopped positioning fairies next to Jace to tell if the color worked for him. "I have this really important question to ask, actually." At Clary's aggravated expression, she hurriedly continued. "WHY are you wearing a _fuzzy purple sweater??? _Ew!"


	15. KaBoom!

I just spent fifteen minutes trying to figure out which chapter I forgot to upload. Then I realized I had miscounted on Microsoft and had skipped the number 14. All this, and I'm two years ahead in math...

Suddenly, Clary's sweater turned pink again and the wings disappeared. She plummeted towards the ground, the muffin cake having run its course. I've noticed these guys do a lot of plummeting and falling and tumbling and whatnot. It's kind of fun--like skydiving. I want to go skydiving sometime…

The ornately gilded ceiling of the fairy's castle was high. Like, really high. Like…I don't know, just high! So while Clary fell to the ground, shrieking her heart out because she's kind of a wuss, everyone had time to stare. And scratch their heads, and do a couple math problems to find out how long it would take for her to finally reach the ground, and converse with their neighbors before staring again.

Finally, when Clary was just a few feet over their heads, the fairies leaped into action. They quickly moved into formation, the fairies forming a perfect circle and shoving the idiotic Shadowhunters out of their way so they could see the spectacle. Clary hit the ground hard and bounced a bit before lying, still, on the floor of the palace.

"Mmm…Soft…Cotton candy…Clouds…" Clary murmured, obviously not completely together.

Isabelle frowned. "Um, Clary, don't you mean marshmallows? The clouds are soft like _marshmallows_?" This was a very important question. Why, without marshmallow clouds, well, where would we be? Oh, right, inside with the air conditioning on, not thinking at all about the clouds, just like we were five minutes ago.

This made Clary sit straight up. She looked around her, confused, and opened her mouth to ask where she was, then remembered the question. "Isabelle! Don't you know that marshmallows are made from gelatin, which is made from animal's bone marrow? How could you even suggest that?!"

That's actually true. My mom gets vegetarian marshmallows for me.

Anyway. Isabelle's hand paused on its way to her mouth, basketball-sized marshmallow stopped in midair. "_What?_" she almost hissed, clearly ready to kill.

Clary was being her usual, somewhat dense self, and clearly explained it all to Isabelle, who calmly tackled Clary and began ripping out her hair.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!" Clary and Isabelle both shrieked. The kindly old fairy who had shown Clary the cutesy muffin cakes in the first place walked over to the two writhing girls with a tray in hand.

"Cupcakes of Happiness and Joy, anyone?" she asked in the traditional fairy godmother tone.

The two stop and stared at her. Obviously she was deranged. Yet she crumbled a Cupcake (of Happiness and Joy) and sprinkled it over them. The two picked themselves up and brushed each other off, then embraced, smiling hugely. They started meeting and greeting everyone there, including a stunned Alec who had returned from the bedroom, quite flushed, only to find his sister and Clary trying to kill each other, then hanging all over each other.

Magnus Bane started talking to the fairy lady, asking about the strange foods. All this reminds me of Simon…So. She wasn't exactly talkative, and seemed somewhat tense. She leaned over to Magnus Bane and whispered, "Sometimes there are side effects."

In the past, Magnus had looked at all sorts of horrors from--gasp--an improperly cooked cake, or a deviled egg that didn't have enough pepper (we _did_ need pepper, Morgan!), or, horror of horrors, _non-fat chocolate something!!!_ If you're going to have chocolate, eat it right!

So, naturally, he was very worried. I mean, those cupcakes might not have had the right amount of sugar, or maybe the oven ran a few degrees hot, or…But he managed to forget about it when offered a chance to make a new batch in the fairy kitchen. He started puttering around happily in the apron and mitts, glitter flying.

Suddenly, as Clary and Isabelle took yet another break to hug, squeal, and jump up and down, they both spontaneously combusted. Or maybe they spontaneously exploded, I don't really know.

Everyone stared at the little bits of confetti raining down, utterly dumbstruck. Magnus, who'd missed the spectacle, poked his glitter-and-flour-covered head out. "Did I miss something?"

Is anyone else obsessed with Magnus Bane, or is it just my wonderful friends and me? Because he's amazing. Really. _Biscuit!!!_


	16. The Art of Being a Gentleman

I have a good reason. Really. On Friday, I had taekwondo until 8:30, then I had to get ready for Kings Island, which took forever. And I had to sleep. See, all the students who hadn't gotten a detention this year went on a Kings Island trip yesterday, but we had to leave at 6 A.M. and got back at 10 P.M. So I didn't have any time!

The fairies rushed towards the shiny confetti, until Jace started decapitating them with a Swiftkaratechop-style, um, karate chop. After a few casualties, they all got the hint and stood crowded as closely as possible around the two little heaps of shinyness. Doesn't that look better than shininess?

I just realized that Alec disappeared a long time ago. Well, he reappeared, looking a bit flustered (which is often the case when your hair is all messed up and your shirt is on backwards) with the big fairy dude behind him. Jace spied him and motioned him over, not noticing his messy appearance.

"Clary and Isabelle just spontaneously exploded and now they're a pile of shiny purple confetti!" Jace wailed. I would be wailing if my boyfriend just exploded, so I guess it makes sense. Although Jace wailing should really only happen…Anyway, they did spontaneously explode. That probably makes more scientific sense. Give me a minute--whenever I hear 'science' I have to yell and scream at someone.

Okay. So. Alec looked at the confetti. He looked at Jace. He looked at the confetti. Apparently we're back to his twitching again…"Er, I'll go get Magnus?" He should have memorized his lines better.

Jace nodded emphatically. Alec tripped over to Magnus. "Um, they need some help?" Well, he _does_ need to be more sure of himself in those books.

Magnus clicked his heels three times--no he didn't. Sorry. He spun around in a circle and did an Irish jig-type thing, then clicked his tongue and pointed at Alec. I wish I could describe that better; you know, where you click your tongue and smile hugely while pointing both your hands at someone, making fun of overly zealous and happy people? Probably not. Nevermind then.

"What's the magic word?" he asked.

Alec was a bit confused. "Uh, please?"

"No," Magnus sighed, a bit disappointed. "Jace. What's the magic word?"

"Abracadabra!" he said confidently.

Magnus turned back to Alec. "Honey? I know you know this one…" At Alec's confused look, he gave up. "MagnusBaneisamazing!!!"

"That's not one--" Alec started, before Magnus' glare stopped him. "Oh, yeah, the magic word, how did I forget it…"

Magnus blew some sparkly powder on the two heaps, and Clary and Isabelle appeared. I need one of those guys holding the signs--or maybe not, because I would want them to do 'Laugh' and 'Cry' or something at the same time just to see what happened. Or do 'Laugh' at a really inappropriate time. Heehee…

The two were completely back to normal, Isabelle complaining at being such a garish color of confetti and Clary tripping over air. Jace took pity on her and carried her to a nearby room, setting her down in front of the bed that just happened to be there.

He was being somewhat oblivious to Clary's attempts to look sexy, and was looking out the door at the continuing festivities. Wait, were there festivities? Why did they even go to the fairy castle in the first place? Oh, right, the house and everything…

He heard a soft cry from Clary and turned to see her fall into the excessive fluffiness of the bed. Embarrassed, she tried to get up, then stopped struggling when she knew she had Jace's attention.

Batting her eyes coquettishly, she said, "Help! I've fallen and can't get up!"

Jace, being his usual gentlemanly self (ha) immediately came to her rescue.

On the plus side, I rode my first roller coaster that was not shaped like a cartoon character (specifically I remember a chihuahua). I was never scared of them, but no one in my family likes them and what kind of loser goes alone? My friends made me go on Son of the Beast first (uh, ow, wooden roller coasters _hurt_), then a few others. It was really fun!


	17. Deleted Scenes

So far, there's only one. Most of the others were weird enough that we changed them after a couple lines. I'm sure there will be more to come, though...

(After Jace realizes Clary is missing) "Clary!" Jace shouted. His voice echoed off the trees, every face in the park turning his way.

Jace ran around in circles with his hands waving around his head for a minute, then came to his senses. Alec was standing nearby, staring at him.

"I love you, Jace--er, find Clary. Yeah," he stuttered.

"Let's go find her! Yay!" They skipped off into the sunset…Um, actually, they grabbed their weapons and charged forward, enthusiasm making up for the fact that they had no idea where they were going.

We were actually going to use that before we realized that we sort of needed Isabelle, and Alec wasn't at the park, and…yeah.


	18. In Which Weirdness Happens

I tend to upload in the evening. I don't really know why. Is anyone else OHMYGODCOMPLETELYUTTERLYAMAZINGLY happy that school's out? Assuming you could read all that...

So, the gang's various members all ended up eventually at the front door again. Jace and Clary were flushed and giggly and hanging all over each other (fuzzy pink sweaters and various other clothes very disheveled). Alec and Magnus were being their usual completely sweet and amazingly-cute-together selves, each feeling a bit strange having fawned over another. Isabelle…Well, someone dragged her over by her shirt because it's Isabelle in public and she would never have left otherwise.

The fairies gathered to say goodbye, all falling under the spell of Magnus Bane's awesomeness. One rebel fairy in the back who just does not deserve to live if he doesn't love Magnus decided it was the perfect time to pipe up. Even though it most definitely _wasn't_.

"But…They came here to, like, attack us! And…kidnap Jonathan or something! Remember?"

In point of fact, no, no one remembered, because that was _eons_ ago. They just knew that people came, exploded into confetti, and left looking much more disheveled. And after all that stuff, I bet I'd just wish them a nice evening and slam the door.

So all the fairies turned and looked at Mr. Rebel Dude confusedly. No, they did not remember, and honestly, they didn't care. But sometimes weird crazyness (better than craziness) is contagious--that's why I have friends. So they started murmuring, then muttering, then out-and-out talking, which soon evolved into fist-shaking, jostling, loud…um…ness. That whole mob psychology thing.

The Shadowhunters were a mixture of scared, one second from killing someone, and freaked out because there were no mirrors. The resident wizard was, um, discovering alternate uses for his magic that were maybe not kid-appropriate and maybe not too appreciated by Alec at the start of a battle.

As the fairy mob charged, it was actually Clary who took over. Yup, you heard--read--it right, she was the instigator!!! She opened the door and shrieked "Run!" all by herself.

The group bravely turned his (collective) tail and fled. Not Sir Robin (Eric Idle, author of The Greedy Bastard Diary which is awesome to take to school because of all the comments you get), but Jace managed to look courageous anyway, by waving his sword threateningly behind him as his back grew smaller and smaller in the distance.

After a long sprint (maybe five minutes, but sprinting…), they realized they were in the middle of nowhere. They could have stopped running earlier, but none of them noticed. They'd left without Jonathan, so the fairies didn't much care and had all settled down contentedly to cheesecake one way or another.

"Um, Jace?" Alec tapped the boy's shoulder. "We might have a bit of trouble getting home, maybe…"

Said boy acted like that amazing guy in 27 Dresses and Enchanted and didn't doubt his ability to make a bit of a mess of everything. "Nope, we're good."

Isabelle shrieked. In the silent aftermath, a bit of glass could be heard tinkling to the ground. "We are going back and getting the car," she hissed.

Jace opened his mouth to argue but…Well, I wouldn't argue. She has a whip and stiletto heels, which may be better suited for a kinky porno but when wielded by a lifelong warrior might actually be dangerous. Hell, I could be dangerous with that. If I had really good heels on. And another murder weapon maybe…

So everyone else followed Isabelle's cocky swagger while Jace told Clary of all his heroic adventures killing things and winning fights and downing Isabelle's food without a grimace. She was particularly shocked by that last one…

Alec and Magnus decided to leave. It had been a long day (starting, what, maybe 10 chapters ago?) and they just wanted to make up. Ever read City of Ink? Well, apparently they didn't think reviews were better than make-up sex but _anyway_, since I kind of suck at writing that I'll just skip ahead. They sat on a magic carpet and rode off into the distance, more amazing than Aladdin ever was. Not more amazing than the genie (I love Robin Williams), but pretty damn close.

Upon reaching the car, the remaining three found the ingredients for blueberry chocolate-chip pancakes and made them all night. Sleep is out of the question when sharing a car (slash bed) with Jace.

I'm thinking about ending this story. Like, even if I could pretend I had a plot, it just ended happily. And the magical well of ideas gets lower every day, sooo...Yeah. I don't know.


	19. Naughtiness Galore

I got slightly hugely bored with extreme randomness. So...it's not all utterly funny. As in, little children should cover their eyes. No, I'm not that bad--good, I guess--and I kind of suck at writing smut, so it's more K+ than anything else. I have editor's notes for when I'm 'discovered' and they make a movie of this. That's a joke...ANYWAY.

Isabelle woke up the next morning in a state of extreme panic, though not at a disco. Ha. Ha. Ha. I was listening to A Fever You Can't Sweat Out, so…Anyway, she had no hairbrush. No change of clothes. No change of shoes. No makeup. Not even a toothbrush.

She stormed out of the car (though it was lost on the two sleeping forms inside), determined to get home. Okay, she could have driven, but where's the fun in that?

After a few minutes of angry stomping, her stilettos were killing her. Have you ever tried to walk in those things? Yeah, not so easy, especially on a road. She refused to take them off, though, because they matched so perfectly. Then she remembered the cover of a magazine she'd recently read. Well, flipped through looking at the pictures unless it involved clothes or makeup, but still.

She stopped and finally took off the now-dusty shoes, hooking her finger through the straps and slinging them over her shoulder. She adopted a come-hither-because-I-need-a-ride look and again marched along the road, this time with a bit more…oomph? Whatever. Isabelle hoped anyone who saw her would immediately attempt to rescue her. She was right, naturally.

Despite the fact that most people would scream, run away, then faint while screaming and running away if a fairy snuck up behind them and tapped them on the shoulder, Isabelle turned with a flirty look and clapped her hands--well, hand and shoes--excitedly.

"Jonathan!" she shrieked. "I knew you'd come."

Said fairy grinned in a semi-sexy manner (again, I picture them like in The Magical Legend of the Leprechauns, so sexy isn't my first thought). He scooped her up and they romantically flew into--okay, not the sunset, but up the hill towards the huge, gleaming castle lit from behind by the yellows and reds of sunrise. Ha!

Okay, actually, the Disney castle popped into my head, which is why I thought of the fairies. Is that bad?

Alec and Magnus were still at Magnus' place, so I don't have to worry about them. Right. So. Clary was just waking up, back in the cute little car they'd stolen. Er, conjured.

Her eyes parted just enough for her to make out Jace (read that carefully. It does not say make out _with_ Jace--yet.). He was looking down at her with a small smile on his lips.

"Hey, beautiful," he almost growled, the guttural sound coming from deep in his throat, leaning down to brush her forehead with his mouth.

She frowned. "Were you watching me sleep without my knowledge like that incredibly creepy Edward guy?"

Jace gave a mini-wince that Clary didn't see because his face was, luckily, in shadow. "Of course not. What a creeper."

"In that case--" Her voice dropped to a low murmur. "Hello back." She pulled herself up so she was sitting on his lap.

Jace squirmed. "That might not be a great idea…"

Clary smirked and wiggled some more. At his pained expression, she cupped his face in her soft hands and leaned in close. "Kiss me, you fool," she grinned. He wasted no time appeasing her.

*Camera zooms out so you just see the car so it's more PG-13.*

Anyway, from our new viewpoint, the car rocked a bit. It subsided as two primal moans rose into the air, vaguely resembling "Jace" and "Clary".

*Back into the car, where Clary's bare back gives us a scene to use in the trailer to attract older viewers.*

The two lay intertwined, skin blending into skin so seamlessly you couldn't find an end to one and a start to the other. Clary looked up at Jace just as he gazed down at her. "I love you," they whispered in unison. Okay, un-cliché time.

Clary's head fell onto Jace's sculpted chest, her small hands tucked around his hips. His large, rough palms rubbed her back, strangely soothing. She was drifting in a calm twilight area, almost asleep, when Jace went rigid. By the way, in case you were confused, Jace was on top because, well, obviously Clary wasn't, but now they're lying with Clary on top of Jace.

The rigidity went away, but so did Jace. He jumped up, banging his head on the roof of the car, then started yanking on clothes and tossing stuff on Clary.

Confused, she looked around. There, staring in the window, was Simon. "AAAH!" she screamed. Coming to her senses, she too pulled on her fuzzy pink sweater and other discarded clothing. Once covered, she kicked open the door and jumped out, facing Simon before either he or Jace realized it. One hand pointed accusingly at him, the other clenched at her side.

Simon recovered from his fear and stood straight, now smirking. "_What_?" Clary hissed.

He couldn't help himself. "Nothing…Jocelyn."

Clary realized her mom always stood like that when she was mad. Whoops. But he had no right to spy on her.

"YOU ARE A FUCKING PERVERT-STALKER-VAMPIRE-THING!!!"

Jace looked amused. Simon frowned. "No I'm not! Well, I'm not a stalker. Actually…Never mind! I came here to tell you something really important, then I see you and Jace--doing--being--having--" he sputtered.

Clary rolled her eyes. "I'm not your girlfriend. You will never have a girlfriend because you are a nerdy gamer freak and NO ONE LIKES YOU. I'm going to write you out of the book. But _anyway_, you had news?"

Simon twitched. I don't know why, but he's now twitchy. "I--Well…You're kind of an exhibitionist, you know," he accused, still upset at the fucking pervert-stalker-vampire-thing comment.

Jace arched his eyebrows. Clary just stood and sputtered, so he felt the need to do something. "_Maybe_ it's just that I'm _that good_," he offered with a smirk.

The vampire grinned and crossed his arms. "Right."

Naturally, Jace wasn't about to let someone insult his masculinity like that. _Especially_ a fucking pervert-stalker-vampire-thing. So he went, "Fine. I'll show you."

And of course, Simon couldn't allow _his_ masculinity to be insulted, so at that dare he challenged Jace right back. "Fine."

True to both their words, the two walked off. Together. To prove their masculinity. Maybe that's a bit weird…

Clary didn't mind so much, though. She could always raid Isabelle's closet, find an abandoned dark-dirty-dingy-scary-creepy-empty lot, and get whoever she wanted. And that is exactly what she did.

Of course, I'm still convinced Luke's a pedophile. So that works too…

Okay. The End! Whew. I'm not putting it as 'complete' just yet, but this is probably the end anyway. I really hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
